Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
