Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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