im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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