So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
