Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
