i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
