But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
