It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
