Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
