I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
