is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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