dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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