my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
