He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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