I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
