I think my vagina is haunted
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
