I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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