pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
