if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
