Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
