Your tits are I can't wait for
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
