allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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