woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
