Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
