just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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