Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
