Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
