You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
