Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
