my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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