I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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