I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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