My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
