Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize