I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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