So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There are leaves in my underwear?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
