Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
