i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
