You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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