If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize