You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
