i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
