do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
