I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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