I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
