Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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