you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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