Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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