Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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