when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
