Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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