I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
