If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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