We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
