First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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