I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
