She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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