I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
