dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
false alarm. still invincible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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