Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
