Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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