I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
