I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize