I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
