Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
