I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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