So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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