stop calling my apartment porn island.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
