Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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