i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
