The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
