Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This is the high leading the old right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize