Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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