Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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