Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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