people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
