Too much gin, very little bucket
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
