my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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