i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
