I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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