i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
