I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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