I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
