did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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