If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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