i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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