i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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