How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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