dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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