if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
