WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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