I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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