Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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